I am Getting Older! OMG!!

I am getting older omg! wkwk it’s my birthday in few days. I am getting 22 in no time. I feels like 22 is the turning point for me. It is not just a number. It’s a phase, where I begin my new chapter of my life. If I should open my life’s book, it will be many things happened and changed in this 22 years. But, deep in my heart I still think that I didn’t live my life to the fullest, yet. This 22 is absolutely the turning point for me, to realize that all I have done in those years is not enough yet.

It’s not that I’m being ungrateful for everything I have. I just think that I would be happier if I can do things that deeply I want to do. I graduated from a great university, with a major that can categorized as top ten in this country. But, as I graduated and start to find a job, I have a deep thought. What I really want to do, for the rest of my life. I know it will be my first job ever, but don’t you think that this first small step will define my future?

As I realize that I’m getting 22, I being worried about my future. How I spent my future. I believe everyone has their own design, a blue-print for their own future, even just a rough one. I have it too. I don’t know exactly what I will be in the next 5 years, but I know what I want. I design it. I draw it in my mind, and let my heart continue it. It somehow looks like a delusion, but I have this rough design since my sophomore. But, then when I start my new life. Taste the real world for the very first time, I am getting pessimistic and worried.

Deep down, I still want and hope my future is going to be like what I try to picture up now. As I said before, I think that my life in this 21 years so far is a life that I enjoyed so much, but still think that I didn’t live to the fullest yet. I want to start my 22 years old with new thought that all my future will same as what I think it will. I should not being so pessimistic. I will be an optimistic person, even-though I will be so self-centered.

I want to start live my life to the fullest. Doing things I really want to do. Doing something I have not even try before. Doing good things that will be useful for people around me and myself. There are some things I want to try but I can’t because getting my parents permission is not an easy things. But, I don’t know why I keep think that my parents be more considerate about me and things I want to do.

Oh, sorry. This post somehow written unsystematic hahaha I’m talking and writing just anything lol. When I first think about writing this post, all I want to say is about everything I would like to do, and have to do in my twenties, before I turn on to another chapter and phase of my life.

“I really want to go on a long trip. Try any road trip, with someone I can easily talking with. Talking with someone until we arrive at the place we supposed to. I want to spent a night without sleep, in somewhere I can stargazing, with someone. I want to share my deep desires, dreams, wishes, for my life and future, and I want to know this someone’s dreams too. I want to talking about our past. Without thinking hard about our future. I want to go to the mountains. Hiking, tracking, to somewhere so high, so I can see the whole world from up there. I want to take a hard step then get a super-beautiful scenery, so I will never regretting any step I take no matter how hard it is. I want to go to the beach. Spend my whole day there. Camping, and sleep with the waves’ sound as my lullaby. I want to spend my day at the beach, reading some books in a very beautiful and quiet place, and my night with someone, sit in front of bonfire, talking about universe. I really want to try it all.”

I will remind myself of this desires, so one day, before I getting 25 or on to my new phase of life, I have a checklist on one or more things I want. I will. I promise myself. Maybe now I’m getting 22 without even try to any of those beautiful things, and feels so worried about my future, my days, my tomorrow, but I will reduce it. I will live my life to the fullest. As full as I can. As beautiful as I can. As happiest as I can so the other will envy me. For everything I have done. I should! I don’t want to be a pessimist anymore. It somehow so exhausted. I will and I believe myself, from now on and forever. I will chase my own happiness.


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