My Somehow-So-Secret-Thoughts

There are things that I wrote and forever be my drafts in this blog. Sometimes I feels like I want to publish it, but the other day I don’t really want anyone read about it. Those things are so personal, but sometimes I have a feeling that if I publish it, that something will completely change, to the way I won’t it to change. Those writings maybe my forever and ever draft, but who know maybe one day I will publish it. And whenever you read this, it means that I already publish it, which also means that I am ready for “the change” and maybe I am willing to change it, to tell people my personal things in the past year, and I am sure that this will not affect my life. I hope so. This post somehow looks like my diary from the past year for a particular things that happened in my life. Even my bestfriends will puzzled about some things I wrote here. But I sure the particular person will knew this writing for sure when read the date.
(December 28th, 2015)

Dear you over there,
I don’t know how, but I feels like you already know about me. Not just about myself, but I feels like you know my stalking habit. How much I find anything about you in any social media you have ever have. Yeah, I don’t know how but my feeling told me that you know it all. You know that I always open the page you suggest, your profile, your blog, write everything you wrote, adore every word you told. I don’t know how but it feels like you know it all, that I looked at every photo you posted on your Instagram, every caption you wrote for the photos, even every photo your friend tag or you have been there. I feels like you know me and every single dumb-and-embarrassing-things I have ever done to know you. Sometimes I feels like you know that I was silently looking at you from another part of the canteen. I feels like you know when I am looking at you or try to find you when you were not there where you used to sit at. You know it, right? That I check my phone for every minutes (or more) to know about your newest activity on social media. That I always try to activate my profile to make you notice me and randomly like my photos or even say ‘Hi’ to me. I feels like you know that every night before I sleep, I always try to open your profile, check your blog and every post. I open and sometimes re-read it. You know, right? That I always go to canteen, the time I know you would be in there, sitting and laughing with your friends.
I don’t know why and how but I feels like sometimes when I silently try to look at you then you’ve been there, sit and doing nothing, and your eyes look at the direction where I sat at. I don’t know how but sometimes my feeling says that you looking at me, the way I am looking at you. And sometimes there’s another part of myself keep saying that I am a dreamer, who dream about you (being and sitting together with me)
That’s all kindly sick, isn’t it? I know, even I’m sick of it all. I know it’s annoying, yet I hope it doesn’t annoys you. When one time you know everything I do, or you read this confession and know every single thing I’ve done, please remember that I never try to annoy or disturb or even bother and interfere with your privacy and entire life. Please remember that I just want to know more about you. I am crazily adore you and all your little things you have ever done. Anytime you read this, please notice that maybe I am still wanting to know more about you and insanely waiting for your ‘Hi’ come to me 😉
Not offense, I don’t love you, I adore you. It’s totally a big much different thing.
(April 18th, 2015)
Hey, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for being so selfish.
Sorry because I didn’t understand,
what you want, what we both want.
Sorry for being too self-centered.
Just think about things around me,
and didn’t even remember about your world.
Sorry for being who I am,
and made things being so impossible.
I’m sorry for became the reason you wasted your time.
Sorry because I hope and expect too much.
Sorry for being too clingy.
Sorry for not being the girl you want.
Sorry for being the one who came first.
And thank you so much.
Thanks for your welcome when I came.
Thanks for hold my hand in that short time,
and made me feels so safe.
Thanks for hugged me so deep,
and made me feels so comfortable.
Thanks for being the one I went to,
whenever I need someone to cheer me up.
Thanks for your precious time, in my monotone world.
Thanks for being the colors on my monochrome life,
and made it looks alive.
Thanks for being you,
the one I adore so much,
the one I wonder about.
I just want you realize,
even tho I know you in just short time,
you never (and will not ever) be my ‘wasting time’.
Thanks for passing by and introduce your self 🙂
(September 8th, 2015)


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *